God
Simone Weil <Gravity and grace>, Martin Parr <Mankinholes Methodist Chapel, Todmorden>
Atheism as a Purification
“A case of contradictories which are true. God exists. God
does not. Where is the problem? I am quite sure that there is a God in the
sense that I am quite sure my love is not illusory. I am quite sure that there
is not a God in the sense that I am quite sure nothing real can be anything
like what I am able to conceive when I pronounce this word. But that which I
cannot conceive is not an illusion.”
Simone
Weil;Authur Francis Wills, Gravity and Grace, G. P. PUTNAM’s sons, 1952
© G. P. PUTNAM’s sons
When I think of my relationship with God, I think of Simone Weil. I remember God by following her way of understanding God.
Martin
Parr, Mankinholes Methodist Chapel, Todmorden, England, 1975
© Martin Parr/Magnum
At some point I started going to church regularly on Sundays. I usually sit in the back, sometimes dozing off like the scene Martin Parr captured. When faced with uncertainty or fear, I instinctively cry out to God. I felt it was necessary to fulfill my duty because it would give me the ability to appeal to God strongly. Therefore, I attend church regularly and find comfort in the familiarity of its rituals and traditions.
However, I find it challenging to discern whether my perception of God is solely influenced by my Catholic upbringing. Am I calling out to God primarily under the influence of my background? I have encountered numerous instances of doubt about my religion, often triggered by exposure to atheistic discourse in various texts. I have tried to examine my religion as if it were just a design. Despite my attempts to write, I found myself unable to complete the task. Simplifying Catholicism, the Mass, and all the rituals to mere design elements left me feeling overwhelmed.